A Warrior's Night
by No more happy pills for you
Summary: A story about romance...I lied. It's a quick one-shot about our favorite warrior characters at night.


Narrator: It is a calm day for the cats....

Firestar: -wakes up- Who's there?!?

Narrator: Firestar wakes up with a start...

Firestar: -freaked out- Spottedleaf...is that you? Am I on my ninth life?

Narrator: Silly Firestar. I am a boy. How can I be Spottedleaf?

Firestar: Didn't you hear mysterious cat? Spottedleaf got a sex change a few months ago...wait...or was that Sandstorm?

Narrator: That was Sandstorm.

Firestar: Oh yeah, thats why I dumped the she-tom for Cinderheart.

Narrator: Don't you mean Cinderpelt?

Firestar: Nope, Cinderheart.

Narrator: O_o Lets go see how Jayfeather is holding up.

Firestar: Good Night mysterious cat! -falls back asleep-

Jayfeather: -snoring-

Narrator: Jeez. I didn't think Jayfeather snored.

Jayfeather: -half-awake- I can see you know! -eyes totally closed-

Narrator: -shifty eyes- No you can't. You're blind!

Jayfeather: Freeze in the Dark Forest Lionblaze! -falls back asleep-

Narrator: Okay...

Crowfeather: -walks in sleepwalking- Oh, Oh yeah Leafpool, that's how I like it baby, yeah. Yeah.

Narrator: wtf?

Crowfeather: stop resisting Feathertail, it doesn't matter if we are a foursome.

Narrator: O_O

Crowfeather: YEAH! Nightcloud! You know I like it like that babe!

Narrator: O_O -speechless-

Crowfeather: I need a new cat. Sheesh. I mean, I got three beautiful babes, but it's like, totally uneven.

Narrator: …....

Crowfeather: -sleepwalks back to Windclan-

Narrator: O_O lets go see Daisy...

Daisy: Ugh. -curls in fur- What do you want?

Narrator: N-nothing. Why are you still awake?

Daisy: Because mysterious cat- at night I can look at the stars and realize how messed up my life is.

Narrator: How so?

Daisy: When I was young, my dad attacked me often...

Narrator: How horrible!

Daisy: Yeah. To put the past behind me, I got catnip from the cat behind the horses stables, had a one-night stand with some weird cat named Smoky, and had his kits.

Narrator: omfg. I feel so bad for you.

Daisy: I know. Then, I had kits with a new guy, and the guy I actually like doesn't even like me. I'm sending this message to you all out there young she-cats, don't have catnip- it will ruin your life.

Narrator: -sniffling- I gots to go now...

Daisy: Okay. You want to have kits with me?

Narrator: O_O no. I don't like you...

Daisy: Ah.

Narrator: -turns to audience- I didn't say I was a cat. Alright, let's go see another clan.

TO RIVERCLAN! -makes rainbow and is transported to Riverclan-

Mistyfoot: -sleeping with a jar of pickles-

Narrator: Um...

Mistyfoot: -drooling- I love you. No, I loves you more. Teehee. You are so funny. -snore-

Narrator: Okay...I am leaving now. Let's go see Willowshine. 8D

Willowshine: -dead asleep-

Narrator: Willowshine? -pokes with stick-

Willowshine: -soft whistle-

Narrator: O_O Who whistles in their sleep? Poor Mothwing! She probably never gets sleep!

-stares at sleeping Mothwing- I wonder how she does it...

Mothwing: -totally has cotton stuffed in ears- I AM SUPER AWESOME MOTHWING! I COME TO ATTACK YOU! HI-YAAAHHHHH!!

Narrator: And who in the hell dreams of being a karate master?

Anyway. To WINDCLAN! -waves rainbow and teleported to Windclan-

Onestar: Damnnnnnnnn Ashfoot. That is BIG

Ashfoot: -giggle- Well yours is huge.

Narrator: O_O

Onestar: Give me some juice!

Ashfoot: Alright. -crashing noise-

Onestar: AHHH! MY BALLS!

Narrator: O_O -checks inside-

Onestar: -holding up inflatable beach ball-

Ashfoot: -mopping up grape juice-

Narrator: Phew.

Ashfoot: -holds the big rabbits- Where should we put these?

Narrator: -walks out- Alright. Lets see Breezepelt.

Breezepelt: -no noise-

Narrator: OMG IS HE DEAD! -pokes frantically with stick-

Breezepelt: -pats it away softly with paw, still dead asleep, doesn't move or make noise-

Narrator: Oh. Well at least he doesn't snore.

Nightcloud: -LOUD SNORE-

Narrator: I'm out. TO SHADOWCLAN! -waves hand to raincloud, transported to Shadowclan-

Tawnypelt: -trying to stay awake on guard duty- must...defend...clan. -falls asleep-

Blackstar: HIT ME! HIT ME!

Littlecloud: I'm folding.

Russetfur: I got an ace.

Blackstar: -grumbles and hands frog over-

Russetfur: Man, I am kicking yo' butts.

Narrator: Alright. -turns to audience- Am I done, or should I got visit Skyclan and the Tribe of Rushing Water?

…That's right! I'm going! 8D

Stoneteller: Damnit! WHY WON'T THE TRIBE OF ENDLESSING HUNTING TALK TO ME?!? -eyetwitch-

Night of No Stars: Honey, just calm down.

Stoneteller: You calm down. -huffs-

Narrator: ...TO SKYCLAN!

Leafstar: Actually, we're not exactly sleeping right now.

Narrator: Why not?

Leafstar: Cause we are about to go to war.

Narrator: ...good luck then.

That's all the time we have! GOODBYE! -waves-

Demyx: -wakes up with start-

Zexion: Whats wrong Demyx?

Demyx: I had the craziest dream...that I was talking with cats...

Zexion: No more pizza at one in the morning for you.


End file.
